


Invisible

by NightfireRed



Category: Formula 1 RPF
Genre: Angst, Drabble, POV - Dany, Unrequited Love, timeline - Austria 2015
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-06-22
Updated: 2015-06-22
Packaged: 2018-04-05 15:02:19
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 689
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4184286
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NightfireRed/pseuds/NightfireRed
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>This world ain`t exactly what my heart expected...</p>
            </blockquote>





	Invisible

**Author's Note:**

> The summary is taken from the song "Free" by Rudimental (feat. Emeli Sande). It also suits as soundtrack :)  
> Enjoy ~  
> (This one may be considered as a podfic to [this work](http://archiveofourown.org/works/4184025))

They say the easiest way to die slowly is falling in love. It always seemed to me as a beautiful metaphor. The real world doesn`t work like that.   
  
How wrong I was…  
  
If something`s forbidden you want it even more. I tried to toss feelings aside, concentrate on work and races only.   
Months flew by, turning into years. And one day my unyielding crush on Daniel freaking Ricciardo took me over. I had no more powers to fight it anymore. Yes, I had fallen in love with my teammate. Sounds great, isn`t it? Unless his heart already belonged to someone else.  
  
I didn`t understand why he`d been so light-minded when I made small steps, coming closer to the moment when I could openly tell him about my feelings. He also often brushed off my attempts of grabbing his attention and getting closer. It hurt me because he considered it all as friendly jokes.   
  
I was dying inside. Was it something wrong with me? What was I doing wrong? Maybe he hated my guts and simply tolerated my company because he had no other choice?  
  
The answer was ridiculously simple.   
He`d been dating Jean-Eric for a year then.   
  
How stupid… Why didn`t I notice that earlier?   
  
Jev is a great guy. He makes Dan happy. But what if I could make him even happier?  
  
As far as I know, they aren`t that close anymore. Ever since Jev lost his place in Toro Rosso, their relationship had been dying down. At the same time, Dan and I grew attached more. From just friends to best ones. Small flare of hope turned into burning flame of desire inside.   
  
Yes, I decided to finally declare my love to Dan. Austria was just perfect timing for it.   
  
  
Apparently, my fate is an evil bitch. When everything went so smoothly (suspiciously smoothly), Jev appeared in Dan`s life again.  
  
I don`t get one thing. Why can`t they let the past go? Because both of them suffer while being apart. And they don`t have much of quality time together as they used to.   
I am always here for Dan. I do care about him. He knows about it. And still prefers the Frenchman.  
  
Maybe that`s what people call love? Trying to keep the bond whatever it takes? Hold so tightly till the very end? And fuck what the fate thinks?  
  
I noticed how Dan shined like Christmas tree every time Jev stole a furtive glance at him. He looked so elated. He looked loved.  
  
On starting grid Jev intentionally walked near mine and Dan`s cars. I saw every smile and small touch they exchanged. Dan almost melted when Jev mouthed “Good luck” to him before the start.    
  
Even though I like Jean-Eric, and maybe we could be called friends, at that moment I wanted to yell at him, make him keep closer to Ferrari so he never comes back.  
  
But I smiled.   
  
Smiled, when my life was turning to ashes.   
  
Again. It happened because of him.   
  
  
Later that day I contemplated whether to attend the party in the evening. Grab a drink and stay aside, invisible to others maybe.   
  
But I knew Jean-Eric would be there. I heard him talking with Daniel on Saturday. Seeing them being so happy and sweet was more than I could bear.   
  
Dan shouldn`t see my weakness. My shredded soul and desperate feelings. So I pretended to be exhausted and left.  
  
I`ve been walking on and on aimlessly. Now I`m lost somewhere in boundless fields around the Red Bull Ring. It`s good. I`m alone. Cool night air clears my overthinking mind.   
  
It can`t go on forever like that. We`ll move to another country soon. Dan`s and Jev`s paths will separate again.   
  
The three of us will continue hurting ourselves.   
  
And I`ll learn how to be content with relations I have with Dan. It`s not what I`d like or imagined, but at least it`s something.   
  
I`ll silently cherish in my heart every second of it. 

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading :3


End file.
